The World by Us

According to Anne-Marie Slaughter (Princeton professor and former Obama Administration Official), for decades the feminist credo has assured women that we can and should strive to ‘have it all’ – ‘all’ being the opportunity to both pursue a challenging and rewarding career AND raise a happy and healthy family. But in her article  for The Atlantic last week, Mrs. Slaughter lets us in on a little secret: we can’t.

The catalyst for her discovery of this truth? The pursuit of her high profile career left her unable to be there for her son during the formative years of his adolescence, and inspired her to choose family over her career ambitions.

‘A return to the dark ages!’ she hears the feminists (who paved the way for her career success) protest.

It is of course a ridiculous protest… but one we can unfortunately admit to hearing ourselves now and then (and we don’t even have children yet!)… that little voice whispering triumphantly ‘Not only can you have it all but you shouldn’t settle for less!’ As if our decision NOT to ascend the career ladder to the top would somehow be letting down that generation of women who fought to give us the opportunity.

Slaughter’s 12,000 word essay goes on to make the case for why those nagging voices are wrong, and why our entire system needs to change. It is a well thought-out (though lengthy) piece of writing with some fantastic points backed up by great examples. And brought up a couple questions for us…

Can anyone have it all?

This is hardly a gender issue. Men have a choice to make as well, and while some men may gladly work long hours before staying at home with the kids, others have always had to make the same sacrifices Slaughter complains of. As one reader commented:

“As a man, I have made many decisions to prioritize family over work, and you better believe that they have come with the same costs that a woman would have incurred. Women who are otherwise very intelligent and sophisticated seem unprepared for the idea that they have to make some kind of choice. Strangely, I don’t know very many men who ever thought they could have career excellence and parental excellence.”

We agree. It was silly to expect we could be superwomen…and silly to expect the same from men. It’s called compromise.

Do we owe the feminist movement anything?

We are the first to admit that those voices are of our own creation. The movement fought to give us the same CHOICES as men, not for us to become them. We should feel all the more empowered to be able to sit down with our partners and decide together the parenting situation that will work best for both our careers and our kids. Doesn’t our freedom to choose still pay homage to the years of progress made?

We’ve reflected on the dilema of parenthood and work-life balance here before and our own expectations of what that balance might look like have certainly evolved. While Jessica Jackley seemed to be a shining example of a mother-to-be, determined to ‘have-it-all’ by means of a flexible working environment, a great startup team, and a partner willing to take on equal parenting duties, her venture was recently forced to shut down. Hopefully not due to Jackley’s inability to balance her career and her newborn twins, but it’s not out of the question – nor should it be.

In a video interview about the article, Slaughter mentions that the hardest sentence to write was the one in which she admitted to wanting to be home. So difficult, it didn’t even make it into the first 7 drafts. Perhaps something to do with the reactions she got from her colleagues when she made the decision to leave Washington - “It’s such a pity that you had to leave Washington” and “I wouldn’t generalize from your experience. I’ve never had to compromise, and my kids turned out great”

For us, this is an interesting and important point she makes – The decision to invest time in family is devalued in the workplace. The predominant work culture makes it hard for middle class women AND men (let alone lower class families) to juggle work and childcare, and looks down upon taking time out to focus on raising children.

We believe, as Slaughter does, that with changes to the system, to the way businesses are run, it is possible for both women and men to balance their families and careers. And we believe this is already happening, particularly with our generation. We are seeing a move from the belief that the more hours you put in, the better you are at your job (how counter-intuitive!) to flexible hours, video conferencing, and working from home.  But we also believe that a shift in societal values that recognises and respects a commitment to family as much as a commitment to a career is of deep importance, regardless of gender.

What do you think? Have you ever felt the need to ‘have it all’? How do you balance your work-home life? Do you see a shift in today’s attitudes towards traditional feminism?

The stories that caught our eyes and warmed our hearts this week…

• The Untold Love Story of Burma’s Aung San Suu Kyi - The Telegraph – The romantic and moving tale of Aung San Suu Kyi’s relationship with her husband.

• 21 Pictures that will Restore your Faith in Humanity - Buzz Feed – A reminder that there are wonderful, courageous and incredibly kind people in our world. Sometimes we need a reminder.

• It Ain’t Over – The Business 9 Women Kept Secret for 3 Decades - Huffington Post – Yet another restoration of faith in humanity!

• How 30 Days Without Social Media Changed my Life – Life Hacker – One man trades Facebook and Twitter for writing, creating, meditating, and meeting new people.

• In Afghanistan, a Mother Bravely Campaigns for President – CNN – Aware of the dangers of running for the presidency in a country where the Taliban have already tried to kill her…Fawzia gives advice to her daughters in case she does not return from a political business trip – “Finish school, live independently, stay with your aunt, study abroad. All the money their mother has in the bank, it’s all theirs. Spend it wisely, on school….Explore the world. Be brave. Make your country a better place.”

Today, San Francisco, New York, and Chicago along with many other US cities, are taking to the streets for some of the biggest gay pride celebrations in the world to commemorate Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month.

In a statement earlier this week, California Governor Jerry Brown acknowledged the country’s founding commitment to equality.

 ”Our nation was founded on the principle of equal rights for all people, but the fulfillment of this promise has been long in coming for many Americans. Some of the most inspiring moments in our history have arisen from the various civil rights movements that have brought one group after another from the margins to the mainstream of American society.”

California has been a leader in the gay rights movement and there have been many wins…but there is much more to be done. Thankfully, there are people like New Yorker iO Tillett Wright, who began a brilliant art and awareness campaign designed to uncover the humanity in every one of us, regardless of our sexual orientation.

A beautiful film, for the cause of our times. Please watch and share.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal

- United States Declaration of Independence

The Sartorialist’s Scott Schuman recently brought 25 stylish men together to share a meal and talk fashion…

…And it got us thinking about what a great wardrobe and a little effort can do for men. Check out some of these dapper looking lads:

If we asked you to tell us your story in one minute…what would you say?

With the prospect of having to conveying your life in just 60 seconds, your internal dialogue might go something like this:

My story? Where do I start? Childhood? We’ll be here all day! No, I’ll start with what I do… “I’m in Marketing.” Yes…But that’s not who I am! That’s just how I pay the bills… Shit, there goes 15 seconds!”

Few people are prepared to ‘sell’ themselves at all…let alone in one minute (and women tend to be more adverse to this than men). But your story has defined you. It encapsulates your values, your passions, what you stand for…and it’s worth sharing.

So how do you communicate your story?

1. Firstly, avoid falling into the trap of defining yourself by the role you fill in society - be it in sales, marketing, finance, or fashion. Paricularly if it is not your core passion. If you happen to be in recruitment by day but your real joy comes from flamenco dancing and poetry writing by night, working at the soup kitchen on weekends, or stealing away to travel the world at every chance you get …reflect on why you’re drawn to these things. There is most certainly an inspiring story hidden in there!

2. Each of us have had a myriad of experiences that have molded and shaped us into the person we are today. Think about what gets you fired up. What makes you angry? What makes you happy? What inspires you? And why ? What in your life that has evoked these emotions, these passions? This is the core of your story. 

3. Embrace vulnerability. For those of us with stories born out of pain, confusion, ignorance, or hardship, it can be daunting to share our stories. But this is where the heart of stories lie. Authenticity and raw emotion allow us to connect and relate to each other’s stories. In turn, our stories inspire and motivate others, making the world a more beautiful and connected place.

4. Keep it simple - Few people have time for the details. You want to get to the heart of who you are today. So, share the experience(s) that have shaped your values and passions, then make it clear how they play a role in your life today.

Taking the time to reflect on your story allows you to convey it clearly, concisely, and honestly, increasing your confidence, and inspiring others. And as soon as you’re ready to share it with the world, we’ve got the perfect platform for you to do it!

A few weeks ago, we mentioned an exciting media project launching later this year designed to ‘open societies, connect communities, and create happier human beings.’ This Place is Yours is an open invitation to tell your story and engage with stories of others.

Intrigued? Check out Seema’s story (the founder), get involved and help spread the word!

We want to hear YOUR story.

Congratulations! If you are reading this you are most likely one of the lucky ones. You have probably received a decent education, maybe even gone on to University.

But imagine for a moment what your life might be like, if that hadn’t been the case.

Imagine if you had only made it through year 3…Where would you be today?

A scary thought.

But in Papua New Guinea, a country just to the north of Australia, the average time spent in school is a mere 2.9 years because parents can’t afford to pay the fees.

Thankfully, though there is a pretty amazing local guy working to change this.

Meet John Taka

John Taka is a Spark* Changemaker. A young social entrepreneur who had an idea to turn around his community.

About 6 months ago, he began ‘Seeds of Hope’ – a sweet potato farm cooperative in his community – which sells the harvest to pay the school fees of the children in the village.

 He wants to bring this idea to more communities, to give more children the opportunity to go to school. And you can help him.

A challenge for you:

Can you donate a dollar for every year of education you’ve completed?

Click here to donate now and change lives.